I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
