I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Then you guys just all showered together...?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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