He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
