Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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