my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
