i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
