if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
