In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize