You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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