All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
