Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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