ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My vagina is officially offended.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
