Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
