i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
