I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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