I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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