BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
whose parrot is this?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
