You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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