On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
