Banned from zoo.
Again?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
