I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize