Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
