So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
