omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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