puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
