just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
