there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize