Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
