I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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