I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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