I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
