He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
