I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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