Sponge bath it is.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
