So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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