That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
