I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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