Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
