some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
