jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
