This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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