Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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