At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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