everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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