i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
