These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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