her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize