sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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