Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
