hell yes lets make some ravioli
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
