That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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