i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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