I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sobbing to NWA
where are my eyebrows?
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