My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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