Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
