Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Randomize
