I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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