i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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