Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
