wrigley field is MILF paradise
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
