He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
