butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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