I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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