I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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