Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
