He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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