If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize