I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hippo gnu deer
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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