drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
