She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
