I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
