We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize