After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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