What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize