I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
