Define "chronic" masturbator.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When did we convert life to cartoon?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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