i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
