I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize