i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
