i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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