whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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