Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
