your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
