what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
