Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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