I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
