I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
accomplished twins. life is a go
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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