Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
