I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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