I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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