Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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