OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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