So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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