Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
