I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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