YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
