I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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