Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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