Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
