You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
