nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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