I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Congratulations! We have a period
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
