My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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